Complex grief - understanding the hidden losses we carry
- acampbell820
- Sep 6, 2025
- 3 min read
Updated: Oct 11, 2025
Grief is one of the most universal human experiences and one of the most misunderstood.
We’re often taught to associate grief only with death, to move through neat “stages,” and to eventually “get over it.” Real grief rarely fits into these boxes. It doesn’t keep to timelines. It doesn’t follow polite stages and it doesn’t only appear when someone we love has passed away.
Modern life brings its own invisible griefs divorce, betrayal, infertility, career upheaval, estrangement, or even the quiet loss of an identity we once clung to. These forms of grief can feel just as heavy as bereavement, yet they’re rarely acknowledged. When society doesn’t name them, we’re left wondering: Why does this feel so hard for me? Why can’t I just move on?
The truth is if your grief feels messy, endless, or disorienting you are not failing. You are grieving deeply, and that grief is valid.
What complex grief really feels like
Complex grief isn’t about being weak or “stuck.” It’s about your nervous system, your heart, and your identity grappling with loss that cannot simply be patched over.
It might look like:
Waking up with a hollow ache, as though something essential is missing.
Feeling numb, disconnected, or irritable when life demands “business as usual.”
Reliving moments of loss in cycles, unable to fully move past them.
Physical exhaustion, restless nights, or tension in your body that never quite releases.
A quiet sense of isolation because no one around you seems to understand.
This isn’t failure. It’s the shape grief takes when life has been rearranged, but the world still expects you to carry on as before.
Six pathways to move through grief with compassion
Healing doesn’t mean “getting over it.” It means learning to carry grief differently so it no longer carries you.
1. Acknowledge the loss
Name it. Write it down. “I lost my marriage.” “I lost the future I imagined.” “I lost my sense of safety.” Validation is the first step out of the fog. When you name grief, you tell your nervous system: this matters, I matter.
2. Map the terrain
Draw a simple map of your grief, emotions, triggers, moments of relief. This makes the intangible visible. Overwhelm loses some of its power when it’s given shape and order.
3. Rituals of grounding
Light a candle, write for 10 minutes, breathe deeply, walk slowly. Rituals don’t erase grief, they anchor you so grief doesn’t sweep you away.
4. Externalise the weight
Speak it. Write it. Create art from it. Share it with someone safe. Grief kept inside festers; grief expressed begins to move.
5. Rebuild what remains
Loss dismantles identity. Begin piecing together who you are becoming and note your strengths, rediscover what brings joy, take tiny steps toward connection. This is how new roots form.
6. Small, steady actions
Grief makes everything feel too big. Shrink it down. One email. One walk. One call. Progress, even in fragments, rewires the belief that healing is possible.
The mindset that transforms grief
Grief is not weakness. It is love, displaced.
Grief is not linear. It spirals, ebbs, and returns. That’s normal.
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means integrating loss into a life that still has space for beauty.
How therapy supports this process
Complex grief is too heavy to carry alone. With the right support, it becomes possible to loosen its grip.
Through psychotherapy and clinical hypnotherapy, I help clients:
Uncover hidden grief triggers that keep them stuck
Release unresolved emotions safely, without re-traumatisation
Reconnect with their bodies and regulate their nervous systems
Build practical coping tools that bring daily relief
Restore clarity, meaning, and momentum in life after loss
Therapy doesn’t erase grief it helps you weave it into your story in a way that strengthens rather than diminishes you.
If you are carrying grief whether from death, betrayal, lost identity, or dreams that never came to be know this, your pain is valid, your process is sacred, and healing is possible.
At Aligned Mind, I offer a safe, compassionate space for this work. Together, we can help you release what feels unbearable, restore calm to your nervous system, and rebuild a life where grief no longer silences your joy.
Comments